Wonderland

My book is in the process of being written. 

I started writing it a few months ago, and then I stopped- then I tried to force it, then I gave up, and here we are. 

Writing is funny because every time I set it down and feel like I have nothing else to give I feel like that’s the final full stop. Like I’ve lost all hope and all inspiration, and I’ll likely fail and not carry on. 

I actually have found that I’m just super dramatic. I have to live a chapter before I write it, things can’t always just be done in one swift swoop. 

My book is my heart and soul to be honest. As I write it, I’m a teenager turning 20 healing from a lot of trauma and bitterness with an ongoing internal battle about whether or not I’ll be successful. I talk about my family, the change in the way I relate to the world, the way my perspective on time changes, it’s everything. 

At least the book will be relatable. 

Although it is self indulgent to some extent, I don’t write unless I feel like my words will make a difference to someone else’s life.

More than anything, I want to give.

It might take me a few years to write, because its written exactly as I heal. 

I don’t want to release something into the world if all it’s gonna do is air my dirty laundry and bring people down. 

  1. Who the fuck wants to hear about that when somebody has ALWAYS got it worse and there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for 
  2. What good would it do? 

I think it’s my job to expose the horrible states I’ve been in to be able to connect with people, but then flip it around and show them it from both perspectives.

I guess in a sentence, it’s about learning to be okay with the duality of this world.

 For all this world’s bullshit and for all the pain and the sadness, there’s just a unanimous uncertainty and everyone is just scared in their own way. We’re all just people trying to figure out the game, and there’s so much love to be found in that.  I want people to feel the way I did to begin with, but be on the journey with me and see things from a different perspective by the end of it. There’s nothing worse than being stuck. Rags to riches is always the goal. 

There’s so much fight in the world right now, there’s so much darkness and so many horrible things going on. We need to stop giving our energy away like that. We need to stop wasting our energy and wearing ourselves thin emitting hatred and resentment towards things and just learn more. Love and forgiveness will the the medicine, but somebody has to be the first to put down the sword. There are people who will fight and there are people who love, and then there are the people who fight with love. A pure love. They are the people who will make the change.

So much love to you all.  

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