what to do if something really bad is happening and you can’t change it

There is something happening in my life right now which has been going on since early June. I legally can’t discuss it, but I can tell you that it is completely out of my control. There is nothing I can do, I have very little information or influence in this situation, and it involves a family member that I love and care for so deeply. This thing could change my life and my family’s life entirely, and there is virtually nothing we can do.

I’ve been through all the emotions. Sickness, anger, loss, mistrust, worry, blame, victim mentality, despair, anxiety, trying to control the situation, oh my goodness I’ve done everything.

I have done everything within my control, but the decision is not mine to make.

 In my life, I have felt this feeling before. Whenever I was going to lose a love interest, or felt like I was going to be abandoned; in situations that seem so minor now- I would have spun into this sadness and anxiety. This is not an uncommon feeling. With this situation, its like the final test.

Have you learned to deal with this lack of control?

At the end of the day, it is not about the situation at hand and it isn’t our place to judge our emotions based on how ‘petty’ an incident is.

It’s about our emotions and claiming them. So hopefully what I have learned can help people who struggle with this lack of control, regardless of what you are going through.

Nothing belongs to anyone. Everyone on this earth, be it a child or an adult, celebrity or homeless- comes in with some sort of blueprint. You can call it fate or whatever. No matter how vulnerable a person appears to be and no matter how maternal/ protective you may feel, every soul has free will and an influence over what happens in their life.

In saying this I am not feeding into the idea that a starving child raised in a country being bombed can ‘manifest’ their way into a better life. That child is just trying to survive in conditions that other humans have no right inflicting on another.

But I am open to the idea that at some point in any lifetime prior to this, you or I could have been a child in war. Regardless of that child’s position and my desire to help them, I understand that the soul beneath that child’s body decided that the way to learn something or master something was to come into a life such as theirs. That is their power.

Of course it is only human to help if the opportunity arises, if that’s something you can do. Don’t just leave it if you see it’s causing harm. But in my view, it is western arrogance to believe that souls do not all contain a level of power and decisiveness over their life.

A souls freedom is something you cannot change, so whatever happens in a souls life that you cannot do ANYTHING about is their choice.

What you can help with (if a person is open to it),is the degree to which a person understands their power.

You can rest safe in the knowledge that there is all the information in the world to know the things you know out there. If it is a persons compulsion to gain the knowledge you know, at some point in life, they will. They will learn, and they can find peace. You are not necessarily the superhero you want to be.

Now, say the situation at hand makes you protective. You want to protect an individual is perceived to be vulnerable and nonverbal. You have no idea what this individual can understand.

This soul has influence. If you can support this individual, give them love, give them confidence, free their expression- regardless of their inability to speak they will be able to express. They are able to kick up a fuss. If they feel it, they will. They will be able to make their minds up, and it is our job to accept their decision or path in life.

When we go through some kind of trauma that leads us to believe the worst is happening, we lose our sense of comradery and the idea that anybody else can truly have the interest of our loved ones at heart. Our imagination warps reality and we make excuses for things working out. We create enemies, and a war like mentality which ultimately worsens things for everyone. We try to guard, protect, manipulate- and in a situation like this it is all in vain.

You are hurting yourself at this point.

When you give your energy away to things that won’t give back, you become sick. So we must come round and enter a state of acceptance.

The idea that we cannot accept a situation comes from putting judgement on it. We learn to judge situations because we compare our positions to others, those seemingly doing better than us. Sometimes in an act of empathy a person can make our losses or anxieties worse by offering sympathy. For me I know that this only makes me spiral, because I am distracted by judgement and that feeds resentment.

I need to accept. I need to know that whatever is going on right now is not catastrophic, it is what it is. And ultimately, any negativity I attach to this event has been imagined by me.

People are our comrades, people are not all bad. Nobody thinks of themselves as the bad guy, people are wounded and want to help. If the intent is love, what else can I say.

The possibilities in this world are endless. You never know who wants to help you, who you will meet, how things will work out. Its your job to be in a positive and secure enough mindset to trust that things are okay.

We, as individuals, will be okay. It is up to us to trust that we have a set of jobs, and we separate our jobs from other peoples.

We hurt ourselves by trying to interfere with another persons agenda, or lifepath.

So it is up to us, as an individual, to be okay no matter what happens.

To learn how to get over hurt, process and heal hurt, and find life purpose in hurt.

It’s up to us to learn how to heal, make ourselves feel good, listen to our emotions and feelings to continue to find the magic in life.

These are things I remind myself when my heart hurts a lot.

My life may change dramatically soon, and I don’t know if it will or not. But it’s okay. It is what it is. My only responsibility is to make sure that whatever I do, I don’t regret. All the other burdens I worry about are not my job, and therefore not worth crying about.

Rebecca Jade

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