Yesterday I was introduced to a type of meditation called the pre-birth matrix.
It meant I had to get into a trance state, which before yesterday I was never able to get into.
Whenever I would try to do a meditation like a past life regression or something which required me to get into a trance, I would follow a guided recording from YouTube- but to be honest that didn’t really do anything for me because I didn’t respond well to that type of airy fairy voice and the slow pace of it.
I would get bored because they weren’t talking fast enough. They would do some kind of countdown getting you to imagine walking down steps or walking down to a beach and it would take about 10 minutes for them to move on- meanwhile I’ve got myself on the beach in the space of 30 seconds and have become incredibly bored and started thinking about what I want from Tescos later, or thinking about where I might be in a few years.
Whenever I have had past life regressions or something of that nature it has been spontaneous because I will have been dreaming. That’s great because I love dream work, but it means that I don’t always feel as though I have full control. I just experience it without having the awareness to ask myself questions while I’m there.
So yesterday I was at my friends house- and she teaches me a lot. We were brainstorming some ideas and she told me that before we can do anything else I would have to do this pre-birth matrix.
I assume it’s because I’m carrying something that’s blocking me from moving forward in life. Holding on to some anger and resentment, holding onto old programming and stories that I’ve told myself, etc.
Before we did the meditation she asked me some questions that people would never tend to ask themselves. The type of questions that I think we would all benefit from asking ourselves.
We were having a conversation about things and she said “Did you choose to be born or were you forced to be born”.
I said “I was forced”.
She said “Okay, so you chose to incarnate into a life where you feel forced to be here. That takes a lot of enjoyment out of your life”.
It made sense.
That immediately provoked the question ‘why did I do that?’ so I became very receptive to this meditation/ hypnosis/ whatever it was.
To get into trance state, my friend was just cooking the dinner. I was sat at the table waiting for her to speak, and she just sat across the table from me. She closed her eyes and looked like she was meditating so I just sort of asked “what are you doing”, and she responded “Oh I’m just sitting in silence”. So I thought oh okay, we’re playing.
So I closed my eyes and did the same, with no intention or ulterior motive. I just trusted that in the company of my friend if I sat in the darkness something would come up.
The energy changed straight away, it became very intense and sound began to fade out. I then started getting swirly visuals in the back of my eyelids and my first thought was ‘I can’t believe it’s that easy’.
She asked me if I was getting visuals and I said yes.
She asked me where I was, and the swirls began to fade into a beach.
The light was changing between night, sunset and dawn.
Then she asked me to see myself in the womb. What am I feeling?
I was angry because (and I quote) “I have to do it all over again”.
I felt resentment towards my mother for the same reason.
She asked me how my mother felt.
She asked me if I could understand why.
I could get the gist of why she felt overwhelmed but I was angry about it.
So she took me back.
She told me to imagine I am in the darkness and there is a gold light behind me, whether that looks like a beam shining from the sky or a person that I embody- just imagine that there is a gold light and I am standing in front of it. Then walk into it.
She asked me where the anger had come from. I hovered in the gold light for a bit and kind of sank into it- then I was in a castle.
No idea what country- it didn’t seem important.
As I got deeper into it I could feel my eyelids flickering.
I was dressed in regal clothing, a purple kind of dress that I loved. I was of a high class. Not quite royalty but not far off. I wasn’t allowed to be who I was and being myself was an act of rebellion. I wanted to be one of the women who lived in the woods and did medicine, one of the witchy types of ladies. I wanted to be friends with them at the very least but because I was of a high class I wasn’t allowed because it would tarnish my family’s reputation or whatever. I resented my status.
My Uncle was out to get me. He didn’t like me wanting to be free. I was quite outspoken, very angry at everyone, I felt very trapped, basically I wasn’t born into a time period where I was allowed to fulfil my potential.
My Uncle would speak to people and turn people against me and basically, he was the one that arranged for me to be killed but he did it in a way where it wouldn’t be traced back to him. He convinced somebody above him that I should be killed. I could see him in a suit of armour, so I don’t know if he was a knight, or a noble man or what he was but he was of a higher class than me as it was.
I was sent to the guillotine, which was a respectable and quick ‘dignified’ way of killing me.
My friend asked me ‘are there any promises that you made on your way to the guillotine’.
“I will never give anything to you (the world) ever again”.
I also picked up on the fact that I might have been sick when I died, but I didn’t know it and neither did anybody else. In those days sickness wasn’t really acknowledged or picked up on until you were at deaths door because medicine wasn’t really a thing.
There was something wrong with my lungs. A fogginess with them.
My friend guided me out of the meditation and into the darkness again.
She guided me to take all the anger and the feeling in my chest and the tense/uncomfortable energy in my back and throat and throw it into some gold light.
I felt it ease up and clear. It took a while.
Once I had done that, we moved on.
She asked me if I knew anybody from that life in this life and asked them to step forward.
I did know someone- my Uncle in that life is somebody that I know now.
We explored that dynamic.
Again, she guided me to take the anger and hatred and feelings of betrayal and bathe it in gold light.
Once that was cleared, I could see clearer. She told me to ignore the persons physical appearance and focus on the soul.
It took a while because I could just see him in a suit of armour, but as I cleared my resentment, I could see it clearer.
She asked ‘what are they to you in this life? What is the purpose they serve in your life? Why do you think they came to serve that purpose? What do you teach them? What do you learn from them?’
Then she brought me back to the womb and I stayed there for a while.
She asked me about this lifetime.
When I returned to the womb it was different, I wasn’t angry anymore because I understood that in this life I could be more free. I could understand why I felt like that, why my mother was overwhelmed; I could understand what it feels to be restricted. I understood that in some lifetimes we just aren’t able to live to our full potential. I understood that I had to get rid of the anger and be free.
I never felt any guilt or remorse.
Then we went through to very early childhood.
My friend brought in other people that I know in this lifetime and asked me why they are in my life. What are we teaching each other? Can I understand why I might intimidate or overwhelm them just by being as I am? Can I understand why I might trigger them? Can I see that at the root of it all we just want to be loved and able to live our full potential? Can I see that people want the best for me?
Most importantly, why do I react the way that I do?
Why do I rebel? Why am I so forceful?
Why do I choose to act the way that I do when there are other ways of being so accessible to me?
Once I explored all of that, she brought me around to feeling my body again. I anchored in and grounded myself, and sound came back, and I could feel my feet and hands and arms again.
I opened my eyes and was just like wooaaahhhhh.
I’m now so aware of my own narrative. I understand how I limit myself. I also know why I had to do that before I could do anything else.
I’m writing about it to share what it did for me, because I know it will intrigue others to find out more about themselves.
There are so many questions that you wouldn’t even think to ask yourself which have the power to change your life, perception and entire world if answered.
I’m very excited for the lessons and discoveries and things I will get to share over the course of this next year.
I’m excited for everyone who’s in it or about to discover it.