The Dream Diaries: past or present?

I have such insane dreams and I love ‘em. I might start a series called the dream diaries, because I usually always find messages in them.

They always guide me in the right direction.

A month or so ago I had the most vivid dream that really stuck to my memory.

I went to a record store to meet Marina Diamandis. She was signing people’s records. My Mum went in before me, and I was taking care of my little sister in the car.

She was taking ages, so eventually I thought screw it and went inside.

I walked in, and there was no sign of Marina, but I explored further in to the record store. As it went back through a long winding corridor, there was a bunch of Amish looking women with harsh, stoic faces. It resembled an old church.

There was a wide, open double door leading to a hall. I peeked through, curious to see what was going on.

I saw a line up of nooses, fit to hang about 5 people at once. I saw a crowd of women dressed as though they were from the 1600’s looking up at them in terror. I saw a bunch of men in old, ragged clothing chained by their feet to the floor with their hands in shackles. Everyone looked distraught.

When I saw the nooses, I lost the ability to breathe and my chest felt tight. I was really haunted by this image, so I took some steps back and I turned to one of the harsh looking women in horror. I asked, ‘what is this??’.

She said that this was a choice I had to make; I could go to the past, or I could go to the future.

To me, the answer was so ridiculously obvious. The future, of course. Why would anybody ever want to go to the past when it looks like that?

So I went to the future, which happened to just look like the present.

I walked through the past curiously staring at what they were up to as they shouted really vicious things at me. I was like lmao wtf??

I got to another set of double doors and entered some huge PE hall filled with mounds of people. It was a little bit like a cross between a festival and a community centre gathering. Everyone was just chatting, playing games, getting on with present day activities, I guess. I saw loads of people I knew there. The dream was a bit mediocre from that point on but I just kept thinking about these people who chose to go to the past and entered into a lifetime of crap.

I’ve been thinking about this dream since I had it asking myself ‘what does that mean’?

As life has unfolded this last month and circumstance has become my best teacher, I think I now understand what it was all about.

We can all either choose to be imprisoned by the past- or we can be present and happy.

Obviously you hear this all the time and it’s a lot more difficult than it sounds to just ‘be in the moment, bro’, ‘do whatever makes you happy dude’- like yah ok thanks piss off.

But like, when you actually realise how much you’re living in your head and not living your life as a result- it makes you want to throw yourself into the moment like you’re diving into a giant ball pit.

I would sit at work and I’d get in my head and I’d get frustrated. ‘I’d be so much happier at home’, ‘maybe if I had some company I’d be happy’, ‘this is bullshit’, ‘I need to do something different’. I’d get home and I’d think ‘I’d be so much happier if I was doing something else’, ‘I need a holiday’, ‘I’m lonely’. But I never actually did anything about it, because I was keeping myself stuck in my head making excuses.

I would think about the past and I would wish I could go back to a time where I went into a manic episode, quit my job, squatted in a flat, lived out of my friends Nissan Micra, and got drunk every day. I was so unhappy and I was just waiting for the future back then. I was a lost soul. At least now I’m working, I’m making money, I’m going places, I’m getting recognised. I have money to do cool things, I have every opportunity to make my life better. It’s not that I’m in the wrong place, it’s that I’m looking at things the wrong way.

It’s better.

It’s a challenge to be happy in the moment, but it’s the key.  

I think it’s really common for the mind to always be focussed on either the past or the future. But there is no future. There is only the present moment.

Similarly, the past is gone. It isn’t one big ‘what if’, it just is what it is, and likely for a reason. For as long as you try to recreate it you won’t be finding happiness. You can’t keep going around in circles with the past trying to find the answer to a ‘what if’, because if something didn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be.

You’re looking for happiness in the wrong place.

The future and the past are very much real and they’re usually very mediocre. You have to do things that you don’t really want to do, but why should that dictate your happiness?

If you’re waiting for happiness, you’ll never find it. The future isn’t some magical place where everything works out, it’s just what happens when the clock doesn’t stop ticking. Trust me when I say I know it’s not easy, but the main task is to strive for happiness now- sat at the office that you’re not entirely fond of, because you know that it’s just a stepping stone. Be happy single, you’re free as a bird to do whatever you wish. Everything will fall into place for as long as you’re enjoying life and building it up.

The challenge is to stop trying to control everything.

What a prophetic dream, hey.

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