Staying Small

I didn’t really want to go to university. I applied because I didn’t know what else to do. My teacher was lovely and she encouraged me to go because she thought I’d do good if I could be bothered to work hard enough, but I just didn’t want to go. I didn’t know what I wanted. I applied, to do something half assed and rigid, and she told me to start a blog. I started a blog and I wrote some articles about nothing in particular, and they were awful, because I just didn’t care about them. 

I left school, and there was something keeping me here, so I deferred. I was lost, i  wasn’t living to my full potential, and I found myself getting frustrated at everything around me because I was just staying small. Being a little “lost soul swimming in a fish bowl”. I took action before, but now this was just the new normal. I was too still for comfort.

If you don’t use all your energy, it gets displaced and you become destructive. 

Through being destructive, I was able to write from the heart. I wrote from the heart, I was moving again, and for a little while everything was better.

Once you level up it’s fine for a bit but when you’re not constantly on the up, something will light a fire under your butt and you’ll get all crazy until you start moving again. Still is not good for the soul.

From what I have learned from life, it’s like one really challenging step ladder. You’re given what you need when you need it. You start at the first step, and when you make it to the second step you’re exhausted and need rest. Then, you’re given twice as much energy to get to the third step, and three times as much energy to get to the next, and so on. Sometimes on the third step, we decide that there’s a nice view here and we would like to stay. But there’s always that remaining energy that’s telling you “this isn’t enough to make you happy, keep moving”. Something will always happen that will force you to move again.

You always need to meet your needs. You always need to do something with that fire in your belly and the energy that keeps you going. You need to do what your soul is calling for despite how you look to others, because you can’t pour from an empty cup. 

If you’re going crazy it’s because you need to break out of the box that you have built around yourself. It’s because the attachments you made and stubborn desires for comfort you carry are now suffocating you to the point where you need to break free from them. You need to take charge of yourself, you need to tell people what your vision is, and if that vision does not match up with that which you have told yourself is right for you, then okay. That’s just the way it is. You have to level up. We are a nation of free spirits and the majority of us are trying to sedate ourselves. Being a free spirit is something to aspire to. 

I know there’s a bunch of you reading this restless to do something but scared to make the wrong decision. The worst thing you can do, is not make a decision. Too many people spend too much time wondering what to do or how to do it. There’s no such thing as a mistake because eventually, it sends us on our path. How are you ever supposed to get to your fated destination if you don’t get off your arse and start walking there? Even if there are hurdles in the way.

Just pick the first 3 things that come to mind and go. Apply for placements in big cities, apply for jobs you can work your way up in, start doing something big. Get out into the world. Failure is not worse than doing nothing because failure gives you a story. It gives you character, it gives you SOMETHING.

Apply to be working long hours for good companies learning skills, work as hard as you can doing something that will benefit you because if you stay still now, if you stay small now, in 10 years time you will have nothing. The worst thing you can do is do nothing. 

You don’t have to try and numb your energy, just put it in the right place and work yourself to something beautiful. I know that we have it in us, and I know that we can do it. It’s just a matter of whether you choose to or not.

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