I was thinking about the way us young humans tend to get over things, and it got me feeling all kinds of fucked up.
There’s like an ongoing war among people- males and females, different races, different generations. It’s like we’ve all been put on survival mode somehow forgetting the bigger picture entirely. It’s like the heart of humanity has dried up and shrivelled into a raisin and given up. Everyone just seems really lost.
People close themselves off from good at such a young age because they’ve experienced such intense grief, with such little knowledge on how to navigate though it, that they bin off their whole lives. People get hurt real bad at the age of about 15/16/17, and decide to go down a path which will kill them at age 30/40 because of it. That blows my mind. People get hurt at age 15, and decide that they will be dead by age 30/40 as a result.
I only just realised this within the past few months and it makes my heart ache. People would rather go through the easy method of distracting themselves and becoming a version of themselves that they don’t even like than sitting down and working their way through their pain. That’s the gods honest truth.
People look at me and the way I deal with things in disapproval. I’m not anything “pure” and even insinuating that I might be makes me feel a bit conceited. In no way shape or form do I want to sound like I’m talking down to anyone. Personally, I draw the line at a certain point and I enjoy time alone, I like to deal with my problems so they don’t follow me through the rest of my life. I want to be happy, I want to get married and I want to have a cool job and the idea that getting hurt somewhere along the line in my past might stop me from having all that I want grosses me out. I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to pass over my fate to some shitty event that made me feel bad for a little while.
We all just have to put ourselves first. Having fun is putting ourselves first, but there’s a difference between having pure fun and literally killing yourself from the inside out frantically clutching at straws (or lines, or pills, or bottles) to have a “good time”. Curiosity is a grand thing, I’m open to the idea that drugs can be alright, but the way that they’re used as crutches makes me desperately want to show people that there is another way.
It’s not wrong of you to want something honest. It’s not wrong of you to be tired of your life, it’s not wrong of you to dislike the version you’ve become, and it’s not wrong of you to feel the need to move on. We go in phases, we transition from one version of ourselves to another. All the events that have happened in our life have happened to teach us something, to help us become something.
So if you’re standing at a cross roads right now, wanting to go further than where you’re standing but feeling like you can’t because it’s too risky, just trust. Trust in the way that you got this far, that you can’t stay there forever, and that no matter what life goes on. It’s a long, tedious, boring existence to be stood in the same place for the next few decades.