If we have been hurt in the past, had love taken away from us, had the joy sucked out of us and buried under a big weight of sadness, it becomes difficult for us to become unattached from our unhappiness. Not necessarily because we are unrecovered from our misfortune, but simply because we are scared of having that happiness snatched from us again, and having to rebuild it all back up, then having it snatched again.
We aren’t fearful of happiness, we’re scared of being trapped in a cycle of shit ending in full blown unhappiness, feeling stupid for even trying, and destined for failure.
This becomes our “reality”. We label optimism as naive and child like, and reject the idea that it’s pessimism because it just seems true rather than negative.
The truth is that life is fluid, and ultimately it is all your choice. You could have it all, all you have to do is be brave and let go of the fear. The fear is all that’s holding you back, the fear is what’s ‘proving’ to you that you’re ‘destined to be unhappy’.
What logical sense does it make that work should not pay off? If you have learned your lessons from experiences, gained new perspective and insight, shed your skin and all the masks you were wearing that held you back; you are reborn. You are a new energy and you are ready for new things.
I like to refer to moments of great turmoil where we get our happiness snatched from us as “tower moments”. The tower comes crashing down because it was built on a rocky foundation, whether you believe it or not. We fall to the floor and we grieve and mope, but after a while, we get up and rebuild.
This time, provided we do not rush into things and take each step with care and grace, we build a stable foundation and work on it from the ground up. When we build from a place of consideration for not repeating what happened last time, it flows with graceful momentum and we get stronger as we progress.
When we get to the top of the tower, just as we’re about to fix the roof on, we look at how high up we are and think “fuck if I fall there will be no recovery this time. I got lucky before, this time I won’t recover”.
First of all, yes you will recover, because you are strong and if you did it once you can do it again.
Secondly, you built that tower with knowledge, integrity, strength and wisdom that you have learned from pain. You have come so far and you are entirely capable of getting whatever you want. Put the roof on that tower, and begin decorating. Settle down in there, invite your family in and be proud of the fact that you bounced back. You grow from every death you endure.
This is what you were being prepared for. Overcoming the fear is the final obstacle to getting everything you want. Be brave and continue to strive to happiness.