After a time of turbulence, where we have summoned the courage to do the right thing, honoured our truths and made some huge changes comes a time of great unsettlement.
We have evolved into a new being, a new person. We are to be so proud of ourselves for moving in the right direction, but it is bound to be uncomfortable. I’d love to say that it’s all smooth sailing and idealistic, but let’s be totally raw here and acknowledge that it is not. In any sense of the word. There are bound to be moments where you forget everything that inspired and motivated you to begin this change. It’s confusing getting to grips with who you have become.
Doing what you KNOW is the right thing is hard work. We work so hard. Once we set out on this journey into new we are so aware we are doing the right thing. “I’m picking up this qualification, I’m doing more at work, I’m shifting around my social groups, I’m being more dedicated, I’m doing what needs to be done” with the knowledge that you will end up where you want to be. Financially stable in a job you’re happy with. Surrounded by people who fit into the life you’re trying to create effortlessly, being full of love and gratitude that you achieved these goals. You see the end goal and off you go to get it.
We know it will be a challenge, but we forget how hard it is. We are not in the beginning or the end, we are in the in between, and there is little to no instant gratification. Every now and then we get little hints that we will be where we end up, but honestly, for the most part it is tough. It is blood, sweat, tears, and work.
We embrace a culling season. Out with the old and in with the new. What needs to go? What needs to stay? What to I need to transform? What needs to be adapted? How?
When you are in the in between of the old and new; you will feel lonely, you will feel like you’re sacrificing yourself constantly, you will have moments where you think “what’s the point” but then you feel stuck because you can’t go back either. It is hard. In no way shape or form should you go back, because what are you going back to? A life you could no longer stand? A life you have outgrown? You cannot go back in time, and doing so will never satisfy you the way it did the first time round. It satisfied you because it was entertaining, it was new. The only way to get that freshness and life again is by stepping in to the next chapter.
I’m writing this because I’m in the in between right now.
I was sat here and I was heavy hearted thinking “wow really what is the point?”. I used to be airy and calm and loving, patient, kind and spiritual- I don’t know who I am anymore. I still am that person underneath it all, but I’m so many different things now. Right now, I’m building the foundations of where I want to be. So I have adopted new qualities, I have earned strength, I have earned courage, I have earned the boundaries I am entitled to set in place and I have earned my stripes. Though I am stressed, though I am working so hard and though I sometimes feel like giving up or like I’m all alone, I am reminded to keep going.
So I will write this post and I will remind you all that we are only feeling this way because we are on the right path and we are doing the right thing. We can’t retreat now, and freaking out about it is frankly a waste of time. Giving up is not an option, and when we are out of this in between we will be so fucking thankful that we took the tough road, because no one ever ended up truthfully satisfied by taking it easy. Be brave and keep going, we feel alone but behind the illusions of life we are all in this together.
At the core of everything, you are the only one person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. So I come first. I am the one creating my life, and I choose to focus on the best possible outcome. I don’t want to take the easy road to mediocrity. I need excitement. I have to do what’s best for me. While I work, I will also surrender. I will surrender to faith that I am ascending. I will surrender to faith that it is all just a test, I will surrender to non attachment and the knowledge that’s what meant for me will match me on my level.
If I am to shed any light on you which will make you feel propelled into this journey again, I will advise you these things.
Appreciate those around you who value you. When we’re so caught up in all this, we forget the people who hold space for us with open arms and a loving heart. Make sure to cherish those who make life easier. Do not cling, cherish.
Rest and remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. You may rest but you must not stop. Get into that energy of enthusiasm, keep looking at that end goal. One day, you will be qualified to do that thing. One day, you will have more money, one day you will have people surrounding you who love you for you no matter what, in all your authenticity; who stand by you in your shadows and revel in your light. Take some time to enthuse yourself. Rest and be thankful for what is to come.
Lastly, hold your own. Never stop loving yourself, never stop respecting yourself. The way people treat you is a test or a reflection. What you permit, you promote. Set boundaries.
When we’re stressed we see a version of ourselves we don’t like, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t all the things you love about yourself. It means we see a side we need to get to know. “I’m being more demanding now than I was before, but I’m getting things done and I’m meeting my needs” rather than “omg I’m being so demanding I hate that I have to do this to get what I want”. Keep yourself together because you were the one who decided to make things better for yourself, and you owe it to yourself to get there in one piece.
Keep going, and good luck.