I decided to sit down and write this article because I have spent the last 48 hours trying to calm myself down in some pretty strange ways. These last couple of days I have felt INSANE amounts of rage, and no amount of exercise has managed to burn it out. I haven’t been sleeping or anything. I spent yesterday with a crystal in my bra, burning sage every 5 minutes, wafting the smoke with feathers and meditating for hours at a time.
I spoke to some friends and they were all angry as fuck too. Literally all of them, each of them were angry about something to the point where they had mass amounts of energy. Crazy how the world works.
I kind of like feeling anger because it gives me energy and empowerment, when I’m really angry I feel superhuman and like I can do anything. There comes a point where it’s uncomfortable though, and you just want it gone.
When I was younger I was the angriest kid ever. To the point where people didn’t really know what to do with me. I was an absolute fucking nightmare, I’d punch things and break things and argue with people and it was quite a spectacle considering I was 4”11 and looked very young for my age. There was something that someone said to me once that really stuck with me and that was “you have every right to be angry, now what are you going to create with it?”
Not to be dramatic but that honestly changed my life.
All the time I was punching walls and arguing with people, the wall didn’t give a shit and the people didn’t really care. You can’t make people care. I was wasting my energy. I was giving my energy to people who didn’t want it, then I was angry because I had no energy and nothing to show for giving my energy out. Imagine what would have happened if I used that energy to focus on myself? If I used that energy to invest every fibre of my being in to doing what drives me? If I used it to exercise or to write about something, do poetry or make a speech or do something which serves my best interest, contributes to the world, and ultimately gets me somewhere? What if I spoke out about what I felt? I’d have made friends that were like me and made me happy rather than just looking like a little tornado of hormones to people who didn’t get it.
I wrote an article about Chiron who is a figure of Greek mythology and his story is one of my favourites in history. I’ll link it here (https://chilloutalready.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/victimhood-chiron/) but the general gist of it is that it’s in your best interest to benefit someone else from growing through your own misfortune.
What’s funny is, the second you take your focus off of other people and on to yourself is the second people will begin to respect you for building some kind of legacy, no matter what the size. When the past is in the past and you’ve evolved as a person, people will treat you differently. Which is great, but the best thing about it is, even if they don’t treat you differently you won’t care because you’re busy. You either get past a situation and forgive/forget, or you move on to better.
Do what drives you and do it for as long as it takes for you to finally be tired, be willing to forgive, be open to whatever the future may hold without the burden of resentment. Make a right from a wrong.
You have every right to be angry, but what are you gonna create with it?