Projection and Judgement

When we are drawn to people we experience great levels of appreciation for them. We like certain elements about them and aren’t too regularly exposed to their faults, making us more invested. When these people turn around, seemingly out of the blue, and expose a different side to their character it tends to shock us and provoke an emotional response. You may feel deceived by this individual and become cold and cut throat towards them.

In some cases this response may be justified, if somebody has maliciously hurt you, or has outwardly disregarded/ disrespected you, that is an entirely different ballgame which discusses the issues of boundaries.

That being said, if somebody is going about their life in their own way and we are hurt by something they have done (without the intention of hurting us), the issue really lies in the way we have been viewing this person.

We create an image of a person in our head, an idea of who they are and how they make us feel. We project these images onto people and idolise them, holding them to the unobtainable standards that they cannot live up to in the real world. We fall in love with imaginary dream people that we hope will make our lives so easy and happy, and forget that these people are human beings just like us, with shadows and faults and demons.

We then become disheartened and angry when these people cannot live up to the standards we have created for them, we have set conditions on our love for them when all along they were just people trying to live. Using our love and friendship as a reward was a somewhat manipulative game to try and mould these people into our own little puppets for our own little show. Our frustration and dislike for these people do not come from the way they have betrayed us, but instead it comes from the sore realisation that life is not tailored to suit us.

Perfecting the art of not romanticising people and instead accepting them, faults included, opens the gateway to building harmonious and beautiful friendships and relationships of all kinds. Indirectly it also makes us less hard on ourselves, because as we accept the faults and dark sides to other people, we are more accepting and loving of ourselves. Relationship does not mean ownership.

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