Opening back up to love

What a week guys oh my days. Thanks for riding the wave with me! I’ve rediscovered my passion for writing and working in such a pure way. Shouting into the abyss is what I do best.

Now listen. Let me share somethin else.

I always lowkey judged people for getting straight into a relationship after one ended.

I know. I know.

Judgement is stupid.

Every time I judge in a way that essentially says, ‘I’m better than you’, the universe laughs at me and says ‘oh yeah? Well let’s see how you handle a situation like that’. And I’m like lol oops will I ever learn. We jest about it, it’s funny. It will happen again. I’m learning.  

But this week, I have worked through a breakup and learned what I needed to learn.

I took you on the journey with me.

As the energy of learning wound down, I was like… now what?

I had to be sad after that because my end of the bargain was done. It was time to accept the situation, and that’s the hardest part. It’s real sad.

To cut a long story short, I ended up sobbing in a pub garden.

At first, I was embarrassed, but then I realised that giving eye contact to the people staring at me while still crying is actually a power move. That made me laugh. Then I listened to ‘I feel like shit’ by Bo Burnham and I found myself a new woman.

At that point, I genuinely felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I allowed myself to be uncomfortable, I allowed myself that release, and I made space. There must be a science behind why crying makes you feel better. It truly does.

Anyway, after that, I felt optimistic. Like really optimistic.

I may be a dick sometimes, but I am so loved and so loveable. I deserve someone who sees that and never doubts it. Honestly, I am truly amazing. I make myself so proud, and I have so much fun. I forgive so much in people. There’s no harm in saying that. It’s not egoic, nor is it braggy, it’s just the truth. I am so loveable that I deserve to be loved in all the ways I want to be.

When I understood that, I was able to make peace with everything. I was able to detach from any expectation or any feeling of lack and instead, become excited for what is to come.

I wrote a list of ways I want to feel in a relationship, and that list makes me feel so good that I am so EXCITED for when that shows up.

There are waves of sadness that come, but the sadness comes from having love and no where to put it. I gotta concentrate on stuff that makes me happy and keeps me open for miracles.

I’m not gonna waste my love or degrade it by compromising it, or trying to convince someone to take it. I don’t need to punish myself.

I love myself and I know I am loveable, and I know it will show up pretty soon because… why wouldn’t it? Honestly! It’s that simple.

It is always darkest before dawn!

Time to get on with life. God I’m excited. I’m sad, but I’m excited to share the sadness with someone and have them be appreciative that I was vulnerable enough to do that. I’m excited to have a love that we don’t take for granted.

Leave a Reply