Many people get love and attachment muddled. People are confused and led to believe that love is codependency, having unrealistic and over the top expectations of people. Ultimately we make the mistake of putting the people we love on a pedestal, and when they can’t live up to it we are disappointed. The attachment that we label “love” becomes a source of pain, frustration, disappointment and heartbreak.
Love is an energy, the only energy in this whole world that actually holds the ability to heal. As eye roll worthy as it sounds, we label love as being the devil when we are heartbroken out of pure confusion. For as long as we do this we are wallowing in self pity, sucked into a dark hole and feeling the weight of sadness bringing us down. Then we decide we can’t take it anymore, and get up and turn to love- just in a different form. Be it music, family, friends, work, the simple practice of appreciating all that you have. Only we don’t see this as love, because it feels so good. The emptiness of heartbreak that you once felt weighing down your chest has now transformed into fire and a feeling of wholeness, you’re finally fine all by yourself. That is what love is, love is the burning feeling of gratitude in your chest that forgives and heals- love is something you do all by yourself. Anyone who is blessed to be given your love is not responsible for it. Your love is not to be given subject to conditions, as the only person it will hurt is yourself.
You are more than entitled to set boundaries in your relationships with people, do not be walked all over. I don’t for a second want this message to be mistaken for an excuse as to why you should continue to be in contact with a person who drains your energy and treats you badly. You may walk away. That being said, you can lose contact without losing love. Boundaries are a part of love. Let go of hope that people’s behaviour will change and instead just surrender to the idea that whatever’s meant for you will come to you.
People then avoid relationships because they feel this wholeness and don’t want to lose it again for fear that they will be giving over their power again. For fear that all the security and love they have created in themselves will be snatched from them once again- when in reality, all that needs to be done is to learn that love is not a game of taking and running.
To make love work, you must be like two perfectly functional pieces of wool being woven together to make a jumper, it is not someone having a broken leg and chopping off their partners leg in hope that it will help them walk again. Platonic or not, using other people as a form of escapism from your own crap isn’t fair. You need to be satisfied in your own company first.
When people attach their love to a person, there comes a complex of “oh I love you so you SHOULD be grateful”. That isn’t the case, and that is how love becomes toxic. The “look how much I’ve done for you” complex suffocates the person and ultimately makes them run- so love and give freedom in doing so. Your love can be extended to all things, if you feel it becoming dependant on someone or something, simply shift your focus and remember that YOU are the one who is responsible for your happiness. Live your life as though you are recovering from heartbreak even when you are happy, do the things you enjoy and constantly remind yourself that even if you don’t have a specific person or a specific relationship or a specific thing, you have the ability to feel that way (which is what you truly seek) in many different ways. It is always up to you what you choose to manifest.
Love feels good no matter what the outcome, you may not be sure as to why you’re doing it, but give it anyway.