Love (but spare me the mush)

I don’t really like talking about love very much, believe it or not. I talk about love all the time when it’s platonic, or just as a way of saying “I understand you”, or when talking about how I’d like it if the world was love. 

When love is all dressed up, to me, it seems forced. I know and I understand and respect that people do that whole romance thing because they really like that stuff and that is how they communicate their love- but that’s not for me. I don’t know how to respond to gushes or to cutesy words and actions. It’s not for everyone but it doesn’t make you a stone cold weirdo for not liking that. I like honesty, and I like purity.

So many of us are forced to question “what’s wrong with me” when you’re accused of ‘letting nice guys finish last’ (UGH), or just not knowing how to respond to a grand gesture, or just not feeling it with someone who is practically faultless. 

Love to me is not grand gestures and playing all of your cards right. It’s not pussyfooting around and never being frank. It’s transparency. It’s being able to talk to someone about day to day life and have it not be boring, or forced. It is being able to talk to someone plainly about your thoughts, whether it be on some TV show or a life dilemma, but have it seem like a team thing. An unspoken kind of merge that is acknowledged as love.

Not rehearsed, or something that you constantly have to prove and profess. Something that just is, and is brought up every now and then.

Without wanting to sound too much like some cliche wetsack of a narrator in a rom com like ‘Love Actually’, love in its plainest form is enough to me. It’s overpowering enough. 

When I see a couple arguing in an ikea parking lot bringing out all the petty insults and saying exactly what they’re thinking (as long as it’s not toxic obvs) it makes me smile, and that is “goals” to me. 

This couple are probably gonna go home and have a cup of tea and have another series of petty spats about how to assemble the chest of draws that they were so frantically struggling to get into the boot of their car, but they will go to bed at night- or wake up in the morning, and they will smile at each other and they will be fine and dandy again. If somebody is still hurt, they will ask to understand so that it will be let go of. And then that’s it, until the next petty thing to go wrong. They might even joke about one of the insults that was hurled across in a fit of rage, because the argument was so petty and meaningless. That couple are so comfortable with each other and at one with the others faults that they just work. That’s what love is to me. 

They will get on with their day to day lives, going through the motions, and maybe one day out of the blue for no real reason, Frank will be at work and they’ll be throwing out some stock with some cool flowers in the mix- and frank thinks “hang on, my other half might like this” so he brings it home to Eric and it makes Eric’s day despite the idea being a small passing thought. Eric might smile really big and call frank a dickhead because he doesn’t know how to find the right words to say thank you, but Frank knows, and he’s happy to have made Eric happy. It’s just little things that show that you’re cared for and thought about. It’s a little bit of life in a world that can seem dull at times. 

You might go on a date with someone who on paper, is a massive no from you. It might be your idea of a worst nightmare to be on a date, forcing things and trying to put your best foot forward, trying to fit the mould of somebody’s “date”. They will say almost all the wrong things, it will be a train wreck, and then at the end of it, on the way out, they might turn around and do something really nice and unexpected that just shows you there’s more- and that’s real. The realness is what gets you in the end, not the false foot forward. 

Nice guys do not finish last, false personas and a non-meeting of perceptions do. Realness does exist in good people with significantly less chaos within them, but you have to find it. Maybe you will have to go on a date to find out, but as long as you do not fake a thing, you will find a match when you’ve learnt enough about yourself and when you’re ready. You never know what is around the corner. 

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