its not fair

I didn’t think that I would revisit this subject, but I think I’m meant to because life is giving me a bunch of weird coincidences.

When I started up my tarot reading and stuff I was approached predominantly by females. They were intrigued and loved the idea of spirituality and loved the ‘sisterhood’ that is such a publicised feature in spirituality.

I always wished that men would take more of an interest in it, but for the most part men either didn’t understand or took the piss. I kinda turned a blind eye to it. I thought ‘they’re just repressed’ and got on with it.

I don’t like labelling myself or what I do as ‘spiritual’ because the connotations attached to that word are stupid. It’s like, airy fairy, and aesthetic, and misunderstood. It’s widely marketed towards women.

To me, what I do just is what it is. I’m a to the point kind of person and spirituality to me is just truth seeking and how you can work round the unhappy parts of life. I don’t like all this up in the clouds business because we’re down on earth- I just like having perspective on things. And not feeling trapped.  

Anyway that was a bit of a tangent.

In the last week or two I have had an insane amount of men randomly approach me (many of which are strangers) telling me that they are getting into spirituality and they want to form some kind of ‘alliance’ (for want of a better word) on this ‘journey’.

At first I was kind of like ‘oh that’s cool for him’ and thought nothing of it- but then I started to notice a difference in my friends too.

A lot of my male friends are beginning to feel different and act different. I’m beginning to have more compassion for them.

As someone who has been though their fair share of crap and oppression and mistreatment from the male population I can tend to be a little bit waspy and one sided on things.

Because I’ve had to take on a masculine energy to deal with my own shit, in the past when men have complained to me about things I’ve just thought ‘WOW I DO X Y AND Z and you can’t do ANYTHING RIGHT and you cant even do this SIMPLE TASK wow men are TRASH’ (or something along those lines) (I’m sorry). I’ve just ended up being frustrated by them because I just felt like they were adding to the weight on my back.

But now, having been approached by these men who are really trying, I had a realisation.

When men approach me, they’re not necessarily aware that they’re being a weight on my back. Often they’re just wanting some help, or some guidance, or support.

I may not always be in the place to give it, but that’s all they’re asking for.

While being oppressed in many areas of life, I had a massive advantage.

I had emotional support.

I had male friends who wanted to protect me and I had a giant sisterhood who were emotionally there for me. I had people who would talk through my troubles with me and make me aware that what I was feeling was deeper than surface level. I had the resources to heal.

I’ve grown up comfortable enough to say ‘I need help please’ or ‘I don’t know what to do’ or ‘I’m really lost’. I’ve been listened to and pointed in the right direction. I’ve at times had people spell out to me exactly what I am good at and help me figure out my place in the world. I’ve been surrounded by spirituality since I was born.

Men don’t have that a lot of the time. And I’ve only just kind of realised that of course they’re harsher and less emotionally intelligent than women are (on the whole)- they’ve never been given the opportunity to be listened to. Of course they procrastinate from things more, and they’re more deprecating- they’re terrified of getting things wrong.

That’s really sad and it’s not fair.

I have had more opportunities to be emotionally supported than men because I am a woman, and that’s not fair.

So I really applaud those of you guys that are ‘waking up’ if you want. Something is wrong here, and it’s going to change soon.

If you are one of these men experiencing an ‘awakening’ where you realise that you want to be different- you are likely going through a turbulent time with your mental health, and you possibly have been for some time.

When we ‘wake up’, it feels scary and lonely.

This is because all the issues we’ve been carrying with us (such as low self-esteem, a tough inner critic, loneliness, feeling unlovable, etc) come up for us to look at.

Before we’re open to our spirituality, we don’t know how to look at it.

We just go ‘ah I’m depressed’ and that’s kind of it.

But why? Where did it all come from? You weren’t depressed as a baby, or a small child, so what happened in life for you to become depressed?

It doesn’t have to be a dramatic life event, it can just be internalisation of a certain narrative. It can just be living in resistance.

That’s what spirituality is. You listen to your subconscious and find wisdom in it. When you follow that, you heal, and when you heal your life changes.

You’re being called to become a certain version of yourself because other people need you. They could need you to be a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to laugh with, or a role model to inspire them, anything like that. You’ll be very satisfied then, I promise.

That is why you’re being called to work through these feelings.

I cannot wait to see how this progresses. Thank you for showing up.

Side note- I also wanted to take this opportunity to put something out there.

To me, talking like this is work. I enjoy my work, it rewards me- but when work encompasses my life I don’t want to do it anymore.

If you want to approach me to be a friend, or get to know me as a person- please do not come up and talk to me about work. At least not immediately.

I will automatically feel like you want something from me and I’m not about that.

I’m not my writing, I like fun and mindlessness and watching father Ted.

If you can vibe with that- we could probably be friends.  

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