how to stop being angry

I get it. Life is unfair, you’re always the one having to pick up after everyone’s shit, nobody listens to you or cares to understand you, bad things always happen to you, what is the point.

I get it. I feels it.

The fact of the matter is, you gotta keep living.

After a while, the serge of power you get from anger becomes painful.

It becomes stagnant and bitter. It stops you from being able to receive good things. You’re full of expectation and entitlement because you’re so salty that the world has dealt you such bad cards.

It’s natural, I know. It’s like self defence.

At this point, you’re so angry that you don’t know how to stop it. Even when you’re physically exhausted you’re angry.

You gotta stop, or else it will eat you up and you’ll be resentful, recluse, and quite frankly, an addition to all the negativity in this world.

What is the point of being a good person, you might ask?

The ability to sleep at night, I guess.

So how do you stop?

These are some things that I’ve found over the years that help me. I hope they might also offer you a bit of tranquillity.

  • Do something good for someone who needs it

You don’t have to donate a kidney or become a saint to do something good for someone who needs it. It’s not about you or your reputation, its about taking your head out of your arse and giving a shit about someone who might be doing just as bad, if not worse than you for a second.

When I get sad because of something that happened way back when, and is now out of my control, I basically ask the question “how can I help”.

So many times we can be in a state of bitterness for so long that we actually begin to think the world owes us a favour without even realising it. Then one day, we’ll meet a kid who’s a young carer for their mother who was diagnosed with early onset dementia. Or you’ll hear a story about a person who’s dying of cancer when they’ve never touched a cigarette or taken advantage of their wellbeing for as long as they’ve lived; and you’re flooded with shame. A desire to help, because your life may be shit, but there are people who need kindness.

You can skip that feeling of shame. You can recognise that bitterness within you making you waspy to strangers, and you can break the chain of mistreatment.

Back when I worked at a café a 40 minute bus ride away from my house, I’d wait at the bus stop with an old guy who was there at the same time everyday.

I was a little waspy after work. I’d just been used as cheap labour, I was going back to a place I wasn’t happy living in, I was always kinda pissed off anyway because I was involved with a boy who treated me like shite 24/7 (all a part of growing up).

For the first month or so I’d just ignore mr. bus stop man. Headphones in, world out, judging anyone who came near me.

Then one day I guess I was in a pretty good mood. By some miracle, my head was out of my arse. I thought ‘this guy has no distractions. He has no headphones. Maybe he would like some company.’ So I sparked up a convo.

That was the smallest god damn thing I ever could have done, but over the next few months I got to know him and I realised that he had very little social interaction.

This guy had no family, and he was waiting at the bus stop every day because he was going to the British Legions where he’d be downing the orange juice because he’s a recovered alcoholic. Some of the stories he’d tell me were really sad, he was so lonely.

It was nice to just make conversation with someone, be a friend to someone, and know that they felt happier for it. I’d have a couple of days off work and he would tell me that he missed me. That little bit of social interaction would make his day more interesting. I learned a lot from him too. The strength and wisdom you find in people will surprise you. I hope he’s doing well.

There are thousands of little old ladies and gentleman living alone with no family, silently hurting because they don’t want to be a burden to the people they know. Visit them. Talk to them. There are children in desperate need of a role model, a loving character willing to hear them out and make sense of them. There are soup kitchens and events looking for the odd volunteer here and there, there are professions dedicated to helping people; there is always something you can do.

It is an act of self care to get your head out of your arse.

– Jean Vanier
  • Rewrite the story you have in your head

Life is so complicated and just bloody confusing. Sometimes it’s necessary to see things in black and white, sometimes you need to dig a little deeper, and sometimes the lines are blurred and you end up making lots of mistakes.

I’ll break it down the way I see it.

You gotta see things in black and white while you’re dealing with an injustice.

Someone mistreating you, or if your needs aren’t being met, you’re being overlooked, whatever.

You have to have enough love for yourself to see things for what they are, detach from the situation/person you’re involved with, and regroup; because you always come first.

Then, you gotta go a little hermit to nurture and heal your feelings.

But then, once you’re healed and you don’t want to go back to that toxic situation, you can still be bitter.

Purely because of the story you have in your head from when you were seeing things in black and white.

Now that you good, you have to rewrite the story in your head. You don’t go back, but you do have to see it differently for you to be able to forgive.

Say for example you got bullied. You had to see that situation in black and white so one day you had the courage to stand up for yourself and show the world what you’re made of before it swallows you and drags you down. 2 years later, you’re doing well for yourself. If you continue to be resentful at these bullies who are now living completely separately to you, you become the bully. You’ve adopted their behaviours out of resentment and one sidedness.

So a year or two years on, you gotta forgive. See it not as a person doing you wrong for the thrill of it, see it as a person who had been raised around cruelty and was intimidated by your potential. See it as a weak person lashing out before they got hurt.

Not so angry anymore. If anything, a bit empathetic. Karma works in strange ways and doubting it (or feeling the need to create it) only demonstrates fear of being hurt again.

  • Live your life looking back as little as possible.

Life is not a what if, life is ‘why did that have to happen?’, ‘what was it showing me?’, ‘how did I have to grow from that, and what for?’.

You’re not a victim unless you choose to be.

Read this for some support.

You can make yourself happy. You don’t need to be angry because somebody else couldn’t.

I hope you find some chill.

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