Without getting too personal, I spent the entirety of my teenage years desperately wishing to be somewhere else. I didn’t like living where I did for a number of reasons.
As I grew up this meant that I had a bunch of issues that I had to heal. I had to learn stability, I have to really work to remain grounded, I had to forgive and see reason behind things, I had to really reprogram a big chunk of my brain and the way I thought so it wouldn’t negatively affect the rest of my life.
On the flip side, constantly feeling as though I needed to get out of where I was gave me the biggest driving force and surge of motivation to do my own thing and excel to the point where everything is good. It made me fiercely independent. It made me educated on how to take care of myself. It made me different, and it gave me perspective and insight which allows me to write this for anybody that may be in the same boat. There’s that saying that goes “be who you needed when you were younger”, and I think if you can do that- that’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever experience.
So there’s a balance there. Being in this shitty situation is as good as it is bad but while you’re in this hell hole, seemingly stuck there, it sucks. I know it sucks. I’m not gonna try to reason you out of that one, you’re allowed to know that it sucks.
That being said, you can either sink into a depression hole and look back on a portion of your life that you’d have wasted, or you can make the most of it by surviving and riding the wave. You can’t get out if you don’t start moving. The depression hole isn’t fun, you’ll get restless after a while.
- Energy is a real thing and I’ve written about it in scientific terms, spiritual terms, I have literally come at it from all angles to explain that it’s real. When you’re in a place that you don’t like and when you feel trapped, it’s because that negative energy is eating at you. It could be coming from other people, the injustice of a situation, the way you’re treated, the general discomfort of your space, whatever. What you need to do is use whatever space you have, and make it ‘sacred’. Do whatever it is you do to protect that space and make it safe, make it yours. That is your space and you can go there to rest, rejuvenate, regroup. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it just has to be your little corner of home. Inside, outside, decorated or simple; that’s your little spot and that little spot is something to keep you going and something you get to appreciate. I personally use sage and ‘superstitious‘ things. Maybe you have a teddy, or a blanket, or a crystal.
- Everyone around you may be insane, but you don’t have to be. You’ve got this little space and the fact that you don’t fit in out there makes you somewhat special. No better, no worse, just different. Use your little space to detach from people and gather your thoughts. When people make you feel shitty, don’t internalise that. Go to your space, and “meditate” if you will. Think out what just happened and visualise that scenario as though you’re an outsider. You’re not in it, you’re not being attacked, you’re a spectator to somebody else’s attack. You’re good. What are you learning about people from this and what about it makes you different from them? For as long as you don’t feed into that bullshit, no matter how hard it may be, you’re gonna go further than them. ‘Silence is the best response to a fool’.
- Isolating yourself is one of the most self destructive things you could do right now. Just as self destructive as throwing yourself into the wrong crowd for the sake of escapism and ‘approval’. If you don’t wanna drag people into an environment and a life that you don’t wanna even wanna be a part of, you’re gonna have to get out there and make your own life. You’re gonna have to learn to attract your own circle, call in your own tribe and find people that matter, that don’t mind that your home life is a shambles. Remember, the company you keep is a reflection of who you are so make sure that you’re calling in GOOD people who make you feel good and bring out the best in you. Don’t be spending your whole time thinking “ooh do they like me?! I hope they like me!!”, bitch do you even like them? Are they good to you? Are they kind? Put yourself first. This is your tribe you’re calling in. Attract them. You’ll do this simply by being yourself and staying on your path doing things which make you happy. You can’t just sink into your space and feel sorry for yourself because that’s just gonna mean you’ve wasted that part of your life that you’re not gonna get back. Go out there and live, craft your own life. I promise you there is good out there but it’s not gonna just show up at your front door without you going out there and being willing to see it. The cards you’ve been dealt are awful but there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from going out and finding another deck.
- Now is now, but now is not forever. Understand that now, the decisions you’re making and the actions you’re taking are getting you to your future. You keep living and there’s no way you can stay in this situation. Know that the more you grow, the less possible it is to stay in your environment. You either meet people who take you out of that situation, or you work and fall in love with a hobby which removes you from that situation. You cannot become trapped from opening doors, so keep going after the freedom that you seek and fuck what everybody tells you. Be THAT rebel, not the rebel that fucks their life up because they refuse to see a way out.
- I know you want stability more than anything, and I know you want comfort. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change things by staying still and demanding they will change. You’re only gonna tire yourself out. When you need rest, rest in your sacred little space. Make it nice for yourself and be sure to take care of yourself. You are loved and you deserve everything it is you want, but sometimes if a bird is raised in an extra comfy nest they will never fly to the heights they were destined to. This will all make sense one day, but for now keep fighting the good fight and making the most of every shit heap that gets thrown at you. I have every faith in you.