Everybody in this world just needs to take a break right now. For the love of god. Everybody I have spoken to is going through an insane time, and I could sit here and explain it with astrology, or energies, or the moon or something like that but ultimately the main focus is that everybody is feeling like they’ve been hit by a bus in some way or another.
If you’re anything like me, you can be lying under a tonne of bricks and you will demand for more weight until you are crushed to death and forced to make some changes. It will take you being struck by lightning and possibly the loss of your beloved sage stick followed by a massive breakdown to realise that maybe you might need some time out. Like when you were a kid and you broke something and got told off so you got put on the naughty step. A ‘tower moment’ as I have once previously described.
There’s a time for action and a time for surrender, and when we resist surrender we’re forced into it. Resistance feels like work, it tires you out, it doesn’t feel right. Surrender is literally just doing what you feel. Doing what you’re told by your gut and going with it because whatever man. Can’t really go wrong if I don’t know what I’m doing.
For some it looks more batshit crazy than others. When I was first forced to surrender after loads of mental health issues I would chew on liquorice root while crying in the background of a conversation between two of my close friends in the front seat of his car and they’d just go “oh that’s becky” because I just do things. Obviously they knew why I was crying and they were cool with it, they just let me do what I had to do. It looks insane but it did something. I also tattooed the word “faith” on my finger and the numbers “21:21” on my ankle for no particular reason other than It felt right and the time was 21:21. I don’t know why I did that or what it did and I laugh about it a lot but I just did it because it was surrender. It made me feel better.
Anyway, the point is not that you have to give yourself a very dodgy tattoo with some questionable tattoo ink you stole when you were 16, or chew on liquorice root while being emotional around people who are just having a conversation about their cat who shat in their conservatory that day. My point is that surrendering to every single little thing is what switches you from being tired all the time and hating life to getting on with it and making some moves that make you feel good and help you see results.
Keep your wits about you and don’t be impulsive to the point where you’re ruining your life in one fatal swoop, but maybe know what to do and then surrender to how you’re going to do that. If you wanna quit your job, know what to do to replace it and make the money you need in the meantime. If you wanna be okay generally in your head space, know who you need to take a break from and who you need to cut ties with completely. Don’t be impulsive, be in surrender.
Surrender and ask for help. This morning I was early to work and on my walk there’s a church. Having reluctantly gone to Catholic school and not being into it, and having my own stubborn beliefs and truths I don’t really appreciate the whole church and strict religion thing. I was just walking and saw a feather outside. I keep seeing feathers so I was like “oh shit it’s a sign” and walked in. I felt real good about it and it helped me. I’m no catholic but the church was nice. And I saw some pretty flowers and a cool window so that was a good thing that happened. It gave me a nice time out; not a “you have to fuckin stop this” time out. Because I was peaceful I just had understanding and a feeling of ‘everything’s gonna be okay’ come to me.
If you follow these little things that feel good in your gut, they’ll lead to confidence to do big things- or they’ll lead to opportunities to do big things. You don’t have to keep planning how everything you want is gonna come in to life, you just have to ask for it and then go with whatever you’re being guided to.
The guidance you’re given is subtle and comforting. It could be just an innate knowledge to do something or you could see synchronicities and weird coincidences. You could shuffle a random playlist on Spotify and find a song you’ve never heard before where the lyrics just hit home but whatever it is it’s a cool reminder that you’re doing an okay job.
I didn’t know what to do with life and I wanted to write. I wanted to sack off uni so I sacked off uni. I was scared to write but I surrendered and I wrote. And now I’m here on my way to something. I don’t know what, but it’s something. It’s an equal balance between getting guidance on what to do, trusting it, and then acting on it.
You might get the feeling to go to the shops to do a favour for your nan and cross paths with a cool individual who is having a mare and flapping about their pizza not going through the scanner, and they’ll ask for your help and you’ll get into a funny conversation and you’re like “oh shit this is my kind of person” and then you have a new friend. You might be friends forever. You might grow apart a few months later but it’s cool because you had some good times with them once.
If you ever get the feeling in your forehead or heart or stomach to do something, not your head, do it. If it’s like a comforting, pressure like feeling of “hmmmm let’s do that”, do it. If it’s something buzzing in your head like “ahhh yes let’s do this because —- and it will lead to —- and it’s all good because it will make me —- and the time is —- and this person told me —-“ ignore it and take a bath or something because you’re in danger. Your ego is not your amigo.
That being said, don’t feel guilty about making decisions or taking action from buzzing thoughts in your head. Sometimes we get knocked off course because of external circumstance and it leads us to be in a weird place and we don’t know how to fix it. Sometimes we have to have a bad experience to learn from and surrender again. It’s all just a reset point. Whether you end up where you want to be or discover something that you have to work on or surrender to, it all happened as it should have happened. At the end of the day there isn’t really a right or wrong, it just is as it is.
Those are my ramblings for today.