From 1 ‘first year’ to another (uni halls/ lockdown/ housing)

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been really anxious and overwhelmed. I’m writing this because I KNOW that some fresher who doesn’t feel very secure in themselves or in their flat feels the same.

I feel things really intensely because I am a little more open and empathic than others; and I pick up on energies around me.

Being in halls it’s been such intense energy and I haven’t been able to discern if it’s mine, or if it belongs to people around me.

Often times when you pick up on energy (belonging to either the living or the dead) it’s not so easy to define it as not belonging to you. An energy will surround you and put thoughts in your head or guide you in a particular direction mindlessly.

Being in halls I have 10 people in my flat, 10 people below me, 10 people next door to me, going on and on for blocks.

We are all feeling anxious.

Obviously we’ve moved into halls and only really been able to meet people on social media, walking about campus, through friends or in the occasional ‘face- to face’ session. It’s been easier for some than others, but in any case it seems ridiculous that in not being able to join societies and meet OUR people we should be pressured into finding housing for next year.

After a couple of weeks of crying on tap, feeling actual chest pain from anxiety and having horrible thoughts, I decided to be a grown up and meditate a bit so I could hear my emotions speak.

I journaled and have been able to discern that I’ve been feeling a certain level of anxiety because there were deep seated emotional wounds about security and housing coming up.

It’s normal for you to seemingly overreact when the thing that triggers you turns out to be the tip of the iceberg.

When your friends and flatmates have house viewings while you have no plans yet; it is natural for the ego to feel left behind, panicked, rejected. If the ego has felt that before, particularly as a child, it brings up even more intense emotions and it can make you feel isolated.

Looking at the situation at hand, you initially don’t know where all the emotion comes from. You KNOW that it’s not even something you can talk to people about because it’s nobody’s fault.

So the first step in all this emotion is to get to the root of what you’re feeling.

Why do you feel so sad? Or angry? When have you felt these things in the past? Are they valid and is it a persons fault? Or is this just a reminder of how you once felt, and an opportunity to see how far you’ve come?

You will likely find that it’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a natural human reaction. Breathe through it, and we can move on.

So you have gone through this process and become more understanding of your reaction- but there is still the cause of your anxiety that needs to be dealt with.

In this case, it’s housing.

Well first of all- the fact that things are not clear right now may be a blessing in disguise.

If you sign a contract early it gives people time to fall out/drop out and then have to scramble around to find people to fill the places.

It also gives time for the rent to be priced up by landlords.

There are pros and cons to signing a contract early, but all I’m saying is that having a house early on may not be the security that you’re hoping for.

With the lockdown, it may seem really high pressure to perfect your new house- trying to be friends with all of them. We’ve all been locked in for so long and restricted from travel or doing anything. Naturally we may feel hermit mode or even a little scared at the prospect of being outgoing and adventurous again.

All I’m saying is; you moved in with 10 strangers before and you survived, you can do it again. This could be the way that you end up meeting your people.

You want to meet new people. So would it be so bad to get a room in a house with people you don’t know? Friends of friends, a room to rent advertised on a housing site, worst case scenario being halls again.

And by the same token, would it be so bad to get a studio?

Because you can choose who you invite into your space that way. You can have friends round, you can be in a bubble with people, you can have your own space, you can go out to socialise. It doesn’t have to be cripplingly lonely but it could in fact be the freedom and independence that you always hoped for.

If you have friends there will be parties, gatherings, pub trips, walks.

You have the same chance of being invited somewhere whether you live with people or not. What it comes down to is your presence, your energy, and what you effortlessly bring to the lives of others just by being you.

In a time of such anxiety our primal instincts to ‘fit in’ may take over. Back in the days of our ancient ancestors and their tribes, to be rejected was a death sentence. So now- people may literally be warping their sense of self to fit in and ultimately this will impact their mental health.

We have until January.

The University will provide a community to support you.

It will be okay.

The worst case scenario does not result in death. Things do not have to be perfect.

In the interest of preserving your mental health I really recommend journaling to navigate now through Christmas, purely because the energy is just so heavy.

With anxiety about when to go home, rent strikes, etc. It’s pretty chaotic.

But we will look back on it one day fondly.

Hope this helped someone.

Rebecca Jade

Instagram @tarotandthemoon

Facebook: Rebecca Jade Journalism and Tarot

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rebeccajade

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