Yesterday I started fire and I’m now lying in bed thinking about it and smiling to myself at 1am.
I tend to rub people up the wrong way simply by being alive because my existence is controversial. I’m very mouthy, I speak the truth, I hate being silenced, and I don’t stand for things being brushed under the carpet. Oh, and also I’m just a girl. A career driven girl. That in itself seems to infuriate people more than anything.
When I was younger I really hated that about myself but as I’ve grown up and been taught by my friends and mentors that I’m actually a cool person; I love that about myself. My existence is so powerful that I make people question themselves and I cause inner turbulence in people just by minding my own business. I keep bad vibes out effortlessly by pissing off and repelling the bad vibes. That is incredible.
Anyway, tangent over and inspiration for strong young girls planted- my main story.
Yesterday my mum and I were driving home from our weekly shop. At the top of our long and winding road, my mum let a car go. She put her hand up to gesture. We carried on our drive back home and got out of the car only to turn around and find the grey (I wanna say Audi?) with a foreign number plate that my mum had let pass behind us- cornering us into our drive.
A man got out and began shouting at my mum.
You don’t f*cking come for my mum, man.
Immediately I was out for blood. I don’t wanna be a star sign ass b*tch but I’m an Aries so I love arguments and I won’t shy away from one- but I like to pick my battles. This was gold to me. I get to have a justified fight with someone? Who has made me feel threatened? And the only thing I’ve got to do is expose to him how ridiculous his actions are in order to win this fight? I’m sold, ding ding I’m in the ring motherf*ckers lets have it.
So, hair straggly, bare faced, stood in joggers with a Tesco bag in arms I stand opposite this man.
“Have you really just taken the effort to turn around your car, follow us that whole way, and corner us into our drive because you THOUGHT my mum gave you the finger?”
“I wanted to have a chat”
“A chat?? What did you want to gain from the chat? That is proper sad you’ve actively gone out of your way to intimidate a vulnerable woman”
“I just wanted to have a chat”
“What were you going to do once you got here? Hit me?” My mum asks.
I know for a fact that my mum wouldn’t have said a thing if I weren’t there stealing the thunder because my mum would have been too scared and shocked to defend herself. Then, she would have spent the whole day upset about it because she never would have been able to make this man see what he had done.
I won’t be my mum, in that respect. I’m lucky enough to have been raised in a more progressive generation.
I will admit to you reader, at this point I was vexed. For me it runs deeper than a petty (borderline comedic and incredibly working class) battle between a 5”2 twenty year old girl and a middle aged man on a crowded estate.
For me this is personal.
It’s about a man feeling emasculated and therefore doing the most to strike fear in a woman because he wants to reclaim a sense of power. This is the exact thing that gets women killed, raped, sectioned for PTSD. This is the thing that goes through men’s heads when they date rape, spike drinks, gaslight, abuse women.
I’m not saying this man in question would do any of the above- but this is what that represents to me. And I refuse to EVER feel vulnerable OR be silent because a man has won that power over me. I am a loud, mouthy, and repulsive to the right people ass b*tch because I’m powerful. And no amount of shame and tutting from the older generation is going to take that from me because I keep myself safe and loving that way. I keep myself surrounded by the right people who protect me, help me thrive and love me authentically that way. I don’t have people round me that make me question myself or compromise. I am gobby and PROUD.
So. At this point, reader, I am essentially screaming at this man. “Jog on you sad tw*t”, “f*ck off” and various other forms of telling this man to leave are being shot through my mouth. But the man won’t listen or do as he’s told. Why, reader? Because I’m a 5”2 twenty year old, and he is emasculated.
Then, reader. My stepdad comes out of the house.
My stepdad is a gentle and kind man who absolutely hates confrontation. Nothing like myself.
“Is there a problem here?” He asks.
The man backs down.
“No mate I just wanted to have a chat was all”
“A chat about what mate?? You need to leave look at how bait this is” I protest.
I probably shouldn’t have expected him to know what the word bait means. It means obvious.
“F*ck off” I repeat.
“Alright shall I just leave then?”
“I have literally told you numerous times to f*ck off so here I am saying it again in front of my stepdad”.
I hate having to have a man there for another person with a penis to listen to me, but sometimes if you’re going to fight like a man I have found that unfortunately (and RIDICULOUSLY) you need a man present.
The man gets into his car and Gary boy speeds away up the drive.
Reader. It doesn’t stop there.
I get inside and I won’t lie to you, I’m grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I’m beside myself. I never get to argue like that- I am chuffed. Bit of drama, bit of material for my blog- something to expose to an audience.
I get on Facebook and I’m ready to post the perfect contribution to my local community group.
Laugh it up, I never thought I’d see the day where I would be posting on the site that I was featured on back in the days of house parties and loud drunken underage nights at millennium field, but here I am. Because I have a point, a quick tongue, and a sense of humour.
Reader. I caused mayhem. It went on all day.
My original post was removed, but feast your eyes on this for a screenshot.
Once my post was removed there was a post springboarding from mine put up which caused a day-long debate as to whether the group should be used for “positivity” aka sweeping problems under the carpet (to improve house sales, might I add)- or if people should be allowed to speak about their problems in order to help improve them.
For clarification- I posted for a few reasons. 1) I’m sick of being followed home by men. This isn’t the first time and it’s probably the least threatening time- but I’m sick of it. 2) middle aged men are not going to be let off for their shitty behaviour for as long as I have anything to do with it- and 3) because when I was 18 years old my friend layla and I were walking about one night, and some men in their convertible followed us all the way round one of the colder sacks and we were forced to run home. To be aware of people doing shitty things like that prevents it happening. Because you intimidate the people doing it. It also teaches young girls how to respond to behaviour like that in a productive way.
The post got removed due to it seeming “controversial”. A reason why I can’t wait to leave this place.
It’s a Tory feeding ground where nuclear families come to brush all problems under the carpet.
I am incredibly privileged to have grown up here because it is for the most part- amazingly safe. I made well mannered and kind hearted friends, I had fun around here, it was an amazing place to grow up. But unfortunately, when you are grown- bad things happen. And when bad things happen and people want to silence you to keep up appearances as opposed to protect you and acknowledge the problem- it becomes a very “Get Out” directed by Jordan Peele type of vibe.
It is a really safe place. I spend a lot of my time in london having to be hyper-aware and street smart, but that’s not the point.
The point is that when there is a problem- for the sake of whoever it could affect next, you F*CKING fix it.
So to sum up.
Do not ever try to silence me, because I speak the truth, because I am powerful, and because people like me no matter what gender or race or orientation have the power to drastically change the world in some way. If that intimidates you, you’re simply gonna have to work on getting with the program because that is the way the future is headed.
I am nothing to be scared of. I’m kind and I want the absolute best for children and all vulnerable people- which is why you should listen to me.
By learning to relate to me, you can discover how you can raise your children. You can learn how to encourage your girl to handle herself in situations where she is made to feel vulnerable and powerless. You can teach your boy to recognise his privilege and protect those who lack in what he has. You can teach your children how to channel their feist and anger and energy.
Or you can fight me, and fight your children, and fight the world and the way it is headed in.
The choice is yours- but my way is easier.