Choose your soundtrack

Everybody has their own personal connection to music. I love that.

I’ve always had such a strong attachment to music. It’s one of the rare things that I keep to myself.

I’ve always written music, but I just call it poetry. Sometimes I get melodies ringing through my head that fit with the words, but I can’t really play an instrument, so I never compose it. I’ve always meant to learn but could never find a teacher who stuck around, and when I tried to teach myself I just got frustrated. In any case, it’s not something I do with the intention to share, I just do it for me. It’s something I don’t like the idea of being judged.

I’m sure if it’s meant to be something I do in this life, I’ll do it when the time is right.

Music helps me identify who I am, what phase of life I’m in.

I’ve had so many different phases. The standard 12-year-old emo phase, the indie phase, the pop phase, the 80s phase, the rave music phase, the blues and soul phase. The country phase. I’m a little unsure on the last one.

Whenever there’s like a strong turn around in my life, music helps me piece together the type of person I am.

Our personalities are so fluid.

When my best friend Sid and I were younger we used to listen to Arctic Monkeys old stuff, Fluorescent Adolescent and Mardy Bum. We were such naïve, innocent idiots. Funny idiots, but idiots nonetheless. Sidney’s mum used to refer to us as a ‘pair of tits’. That sums it up nicely. That kind of music reflects that personality, I think. The songs I listened to in High School are pretty much all on the Inbetweeners soundtrack. It’s just so light-hearted to look back on.

When I was in sixth form I loved 80s disco. I wore mom jeans and smiley face tops, my hair was like a mane, and I was always jamming to Bananarama or Dead or Alive, purely just having the absolute time of my life and laughing all the time. I used to party a lot. I used to dance a lot too. It was so much fun.

Then with maturity I got into heavier stuff. Amy Winehouse, Nina Simone. It explored more profound themes. I love music with something to say because it’s just so soulful, everybody has soul in them and it’s not all light. Being able to resonate with lyrics like that and experience the drama of the melodies was so immersive. It reminds me of a time in my life where I was really figuring out what my purpose is, and how to deal with my mental health. Music is great for reminding me that I’m not alone in what I feel, but then also that it’s just art and it’s not the whole truth.

There was the dreamy 50s music phase, the 70s angsty girl band phase. There was the Fleetwood mac phase.

My life has changed a lot really suddenly. If you actually follow my blog you’ll probs have already noticed. I’ve been navigating through and rediscovering myself, so now comes the fun part of it all.

What is the next musical phase?

When life feels a bit shocking or a bit shit, you can get so trapped in your small little human brain that you forget this is just a phase.

What’s gonna be the backing track to it?

I doubt anyone will really care, but I thought it would be a fun thing to write about. Maybe it will inspire someone to see their life like a musical soundtrack.

This is what my life sounds like right now. I don’t want any sad songs. I don’t even want to address bad thoughts. I’m just gonna recapture complete happiness.

New Order – Age of Consent

I love this song so much, man. It’s like it’s from a different world. I don’t know what it is about the tune but it makes me feel weirdly empowered and strong, and for some reason it gets me excited for the future. This is gonna sound stupid but when I listen to this song it makes me feel like I’m riding a bike. I see it as weirdly optimistic. Maybe because it gets me feeling groovy. Late 70’s/early 80’s alternative rock will always appeal to me, I think.

Every Kind of Way – The Jungle Giants

Fun. I like it.

The Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger

This song is the poster track for the type of (relatively) modern music I listen to. It’s so energetic and proud. It’s hedonistic. I’m 20 years old, I’m never gonna be this young again. I want to enjoy that, and I want to go out and just feckin belt out the lyrics to chelsea dagger at the top of my lungs.

*Side note* – fun fact, met the lead singer. When I say ‘met’ I mean Sidney and I managed to get into a concert underage when we were in like year 9, he walked outside when we were outside, he tipped his hat at us, we just stared and looked back at each other in disbelief too shy to do anything.

Pair of tits.  

Them Heavy People – Kate Bush

Listen. This one is a bit out of place. Kate Bush has always been a shocking character to me. I didn’t get her at first, I still kind of don’t get her, but I can’t help but like some of her music because it’s just so fucking weird.

Instead of judging the weirdness, I’ve decided that I actually really like it. She’s so free. She just doesn’t give one solitary shit about the way she’s viewed, she’s just letting her body and mouth and voice do it’s flouncy bouncy stringy old thing.

I like the video to them heavy people because it’s fun. She’s just playing around. Kate Bush reminds me of one of them tall inflatable Santa’s that flail about when the wind blows on them.

People can be so serious, and so can the thoughts in my head. Instead of over analysing things, why not be like Kate Bush? I don’t wanna be them heavy people, I wanna be prancing around hashtag loving life. I want to recapture my innocence. I haven’t been that prancy girl in a hot minute, I miss her.

The song is also about how she is beginning to embrace the fact that there are so many people trying to teach her new things, where she used to sit and stubbornly put herself on hold she’s just going with the flow more and taking opportunities. There’s so much out there to do. The thought of it all makes my heart smile.

Happy – Marina Diamandis

This is gonna be a more lowkey song that I rarely listen to. Maybe a before bed/ sappy hour/ reminder that I’m grateful for life song.

I love this woman. I’ve listened to her since The Family Jewels album, I stanned Electra Heart, and I’ve loved watching her glow up. She is such a storyteller. She is such an artist. Oh No! will always be a banger to me.

Happy is a song from her album Froot which is much different to her first 2 albums. It’s more grown up.

It’s so sentimental. There’s a simple tinkling piano in the back, overlaid with angelic sounding vocals and the odd harmony. Marina sings about how she’s found happiness. It’s like, she thought she was happy, she thought she would be happy if she had things look a certain way, but she’s realised that happiness isn’t something you have to strive for. It’s just something that you have to let be. Sometimes you have to get rejected for some things you thought you wanted to realise what makes you happy. She’s enlightened, she feels whole within herself despite not getting what she thought that she wanted. She’s independently loving life and she’s free.

I feel much the same way. It comes and goes, but I’m getting there.

This is a mishmash of genres, but I’m only just settling into my new soundtrack. I’ll probably find a genre in time. I could list about 30 more songs that resonate with me right now, and I could talk forever about it, but that would be boring.

What songs are you gonna put in your soundtrack?

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