Regardless of how a relationship ended, more often than not relationships can really leave a mark on you.
The emotion and overwhelm that a breakup can bring on you can be really hard to deal with, and it can really lead you down a self-sabotaging route that just is not ideal. It’s alright to not be thinking straight.
As someone who has made many, many, many mistakes as a result of not being capable of handling my emotions, I have kind of perfected the art of queening it out.
Weird flex, but hope it might help.
First of all, I know that your heart is probably sitting right at the depths of your arse if you’re reading this when you might need it. I just want to say some things to you guys before I get on with my 3 tips that are the holy scriptures of being okay again.
· Nobody needs to be knowing your business, nobody is entitled to an explanation. The most important person is you, and it is more than okay to go a little bit hermit mode as you rediscover yourself.
· You do not need revenge on another person, you need to balance the scales by being happy. Karma works wonders, so don’t bite yourself in the arse trying to fulfil karma’s destiny for it.
· Finally, stop trying to focus on the future and stop replaying the past. You are here now, and although it might hurt because you are so uncertain of everything, I can assure you that grounding yourself in the present moment is the key to getting through this. You absolutely never know what is around the corner, it is very important to remain open.
Do that by focussing all your energy on yourself. Every single piece of it.
· If you have been broken up with- DO NOT MESSAGE THAT PERSON. For at least a week. 21 days for maximum result.
· If they message you first, only reply if you feel like you can handle it. If you’re uncertain, the answer is a strong no.
Here are the 3 main tips.
1) Take a day off.
Maybe not a day off work, life goes on and we can’t always just sod off all our responsibilities.
Just for one day, rest, and put yourself first.
That means detaching from the constant replay of ‘I can’t believe this happened, I can’t believe they did this to me, blah blah blah’.
Just be with your own soul.
It means take a day to not be bothered to see sense. Sense will come effortlessly when you are in a good headspace.
You do not need to be immersed in the chaos, you need to detach from it all and make it comfortable.
You can emerge from solitude later. The rest of the world is going nowhere.
Do everything that makes you happy. I don’t mean lie in bed and wait for it to all go away, I mean do something that makes you happy.
Give yourself the task of getting out of bed, give yourself that post-gym glow, give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that you put a smile on your own face.
Take it easy. Self-care is an absolute necessity. The first step is just getting yourself to a point where you understand, where you just realise that life can be okay.
You are an individual with interests, a human body, and things to do all by yourself with no one bothering you. You do not need someone there all the time. You need yourself there all the time.
2) Learn something new
You have got space to fill. Fill it with something good.
You might try to fill it with something detrimental; angst, a hardened heart, alcohol,
toxic friendships, food, whatever other unhealthy coping mechanisms there might be.
You’re gonna realise one day that it was a waste because you’ll have to wake up and realise that no one is going to save you, and you can’t actually just wait for the ground to swallow you up.
Let’s nip that in the bud, and just go for the first option, which is actually a lot more fun in the long run.
Learn something new. You glow when you grow.
Dita Von Teese learned to ride a horse following her divorce. Now only did it tone her butt, but it also gave her an excuse to do something she had been wanting to do for years. She discovered a real love for horses too.
Is it pole dancing classes you want to do? Do you just want to learn to paint better in the comfort of your own home? Do you want a new job or to get a new qualification?
Do it! It is such a good investment of your time. The world works in your favour when you are in a good headspace, I promise, so let’s focus on getting there.
3) Don’t seek out relationships.
Seeking out relationships for the sake of having a relationship is often done because someone is looking to fill a void. It makes for a pattern of unhealthy relationships.
I’m not saying you’ve got to be alone to be at the top of your game. Not at all. Relationships are great.
I’m saying that you want a healthy one next, so you don’t have to go through this shit again.
Live your life and live it to the full. If you want a relationship, wait for it to come to you. Wait for that feeling to be stirred up within you which makes it irresistible as opposed to settling down with someone that you think ‘will do’. True love is from the heart, not the head. It’s not something that we learn until we feel it truly.
You don’t know who your soul mate is until you find them, so enjoy yourself and remember that the universe is not out to hurt you. It just works in mysterious ways.