An Open Letter to Someone Who Has Been Gaslit

This is a follow up to an article that I managed to get published a couple of years ago- titled “an open letter to a victim of abuse”. 

The term “gaslighting” has been used and worn recently as there was an example of gaslighting on love island in summer 2019. A lot of people discovered the word and without understanding the weight it carries would throw it around. 

The definition of gaslighting is:

manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.

(A type of psychological abuse in which the abuser denies the victims reality).

It is commonly used to keep a person obedient. So that the person who is doing the gaslighting can keep you in a position of service to them. 

You can be gaslit by a friend, a group, a work colleague, a lover; worst of all, a parent or guardian. 

It is really damaging. 

You likely will come to the realisation that you’re being gaslit because you have gotten into self development in one way or another. You’re invested in bettering yourself but no matter what you do, it isn’t right for this person. You have learned (or you are learning) how to be loved and you’re learning that this persons hold over you and your newfound certainty of yourself doesn’t add up. 

Once you have been gaslit, if at the time you aren’t sure of yourself enough to know what’s going on- you lose a part of yourself. You begin to doubt everything and your world becomes a series of things that happen to you. It’s like life happens outside of yourself, and your perception revolves around “if I do this they will think I am that” and “if I post this people might see me this way” and you completely lose sight of the fact that 1) you are in control at all times and 2) it literally does not matter in the slightest how you are perceived by anyone. 

You choose who you are and who is in your life. You are loveable. You are loved. You choose the type of treatment you tolerate in your life- and you NEVER have to settle for anything less because you’ve been taught that this is what love is. 

You are not a victim of your own life- you’re the CEO of it. 

The gaslighting won’t stop. It doesn’t matter if you’re told it will stop, because that’s probably another method of gaslighting you. 

Your main priority is to plan an escape route. 

There are often blocks that keep us in our situation until it is safe to leave; but in the meantime you need to change the way you see this person and break the pattern that keeps you going back and getting hurt.

You need to make sure that it’s bearable to live while you have to live in that situation- and you need to figure out how you can make it so that you never go back.

There are seven billion people on this planet and the lifestyle you experience differs drastically depending on which school you go to, which city or town or village you live in, which course you study, what career field you go into. People are different everywhere. So ask yourself now, with no limitations, what do you want to experience out of life and how can you become aligned to it. 

I’m not sure who first said it but there’s a very common saying that goes “once a person can no longer control you, they will try and control how people think of you”. If you’ve been taught that the way people think of you is survival, you’ll be trapped in this little box of what you can do, who you can talk to and how you can live. That’s not life, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. And to someone who desperately wants to be seen for who they are- it’s devastating to know that people will be walking around calling you “crazy”, “mentally unstable,” “volatile”, “psychotic” without having a single clue what you’ve been through. 

But what I hope to do in writing this is to show you how to get you to the point where you don’t care. 

First of all- if a person is able to form an opinion on you without knowing you or your life very well at all, fuck them. They’re choosing to blindly believe what they have been told. 

If they’re that easy to manipulate, they’ll make their own mistakes through being manipulated and that is their karma. Its their lesson to learn and it’s none of your business. 

To be able to rise above the fact that these people are judging you just on a whim says a whole lot more about your strength and integrity that it does about that person’s weak mind. Let them hate on a character they made up in their own head. Put on your smile, conduct yourself well, and leave them behind. 

It’s all about learning where to put your focus. Which brings me to my second point. 

Your energy will always speak for itself. 

When you feel powerless, it’s because you’ve been convinced your power is held by other people. 

The truth ALWAYS (and I mean always) comes out, effortlessly. Your doubt about this means nothing, because it will happen regardless of whether you torture yourself about it or not. 

Your only responsibility in this life is to respond to things the way you think would reflect best on you. It’s just a game. 

So how can you win? 

It’s not about resentment, or revenge, or karma, or anything like that. It’s about learning just how much power you have and then learning that you are more than worthy of investing all that power into yourself. 

How are you going to do that?

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