This post is gonna be pretty self indulgent but it’s gonna be written and published anyway.
One year ago, I was at my mums in a very very fuzzy headspace after having to detach from the world for a bit. I turned off my phone and was in the company of my family all the time during those 3 days.
I didn’t know what I was doing, where I was going, or what I even wanted. My mental health was patchy as it was and after a long time of building up and burying a bunch of issues I finally exploded a bit and had a rather substantial break down. I had a history of having suicidal tendencies and it got the better of me round about this time last year. Thankfully, I survived and got through it, and all the more thankfully, my mum and wonderful family/support network were there for me in a way I didn’t know possible.
On the 10th October, I decided that I had to do something to empty my brain out, and I just wrote. I wrote an article titled “hurting and healing” as part of what I thought was gonna be just a 3 part mental health thing; but once I started writing it was such a cool feeling to have an outlet that I never stopped. Writing has helped me out of so many different conundrums and it’s helped my mental health to NEVER sink that low again. It has opened my mind, opened me up to other people, brought me clarity, opportunities and a career path that I can see clearly and work towards in a tangible way.
I don’t like talking about my history of mental health, not many people know about it. I’ve written about it, but I’ve never sat down and told people. Despite this, I think it’s an important thing to talk about.
If this time last year I was that fucked up that I didn’t want to live anymore, I couldn’t see myself here in a matter of hours let alone days- but now I’m thriving like nobody would ever have guessed- theres always something you can do. There’s always a way to brighten your brain. I’ve said it before and I will always stand by it: there is no such thing as a lost cause. You just have to find something, and run with it. You need a place to put that energy.
I’m very grateful and I couldn’t even imagine being where I was last year now. Thank you for listening to my head waffle. Life is very very good.