21

This is more of a self-indulgent post than anything else but if people want to read it- by all means you’re welcome to.

I was once told by a very skilled psychic the year I was 20 would be the year that set me up for life.

I think she might have been on to something. I’ll look back on it fondly. Being a person is wild.

Last year I wrote this:

I wrote in that last piece that I had a goal to do something each week (for as long as I’m 20) that scared me. It’s amazing what you can get up to when you actually leave the house everyday.

Until you get put on lockdown anyway. 

I’m writing this mainly so that I can look back on it, but also because it might give someone else an idea of how they would want to challenge themselves to grow and invest in themselves. To consciously take hold of their life and see how 365 days can reroute your whole world. 

I wouldn’t know half the stuff I wanted to do unless I saw someone else do it or write about it.

10 (more) things I learned being 20

1)     I do want to get married and be in love and have a fairy tale story, but I also want to be interesting and exciting and have lived life to the fullest. A story you love the sound of may not be a reality that you actually want to live, and the only way you know if something is right for you is to feel it out. In the meantime, being ‘alone’ is not heart wrenching in the slightest.  

2)     Don’t listen to the opinions of anyone you wouldn’t trade places with and even have your reservations about taking advice from people you think are worth listening to. Everything you need is already within you, genuinely. Listen to people who bring out and make clear inner truths that deep down, you already know. Everything else is just noise.

3)     People will enter your life as and when you need them, the main lesson is to just trust the unknown.

4)     You make attachments to people because you think that they’re the only way you will feel a certain feeling. ‘nobody makes me laugh like they do’. ‘they made me feel special’, ‘we have a connection’. The only connection you have with them is the power you gave them, so take it back and learn that they only brought out something that was already within you. The ability to belly laugh, the ability to feel beautiful, the feeling of being in demand. If the relationship is hurtful, you can get that good feeling elsewhere- because you are the one who has it.

5)     If you ask ‘what is the purpose of me being in this situation’ when you feel stuck in a terrible circumstance, it will usually help you escape. 

6)     Losing your faith is not an act of rebellion it is self-destruction. Sometimes we are guided to chase something that isn’t good for us so that we learn a lesson at the end of it. You can choose to be in whatever mindset feels best, but the journey will always be fated.

7)      Just because you love something doesn’t mean it’s permanent. Putting something down (for now) does not mean you will never have it back. But focussing on it and watching it and waiting for it will have you go without it for longer.

8)     To be unbothered is to be at peace, and to be at peace is the most powerful thing ever.

9)     You cannot pour from an empty cup. No emotional trauma is unfixable.

10)  You are allowed and entitled to receive. You are allowed and entitled to rest.

10 scary things I did age 20

1)     Went to an interview at channel 4, came out as one of the top 10 of all applicants.

2)     Became an advanced level pole dancer.

3)     Ended cycles with all the people in my life who were making me feel down and disrespecting me- regardless of what the relationship was.

4)     Went on solo city breaks to places I’ve never been before. Got a place at one of the top universities in England to study a course that I love. Learned to let intuition dictate my life. 

5)     Spontaneously went to Romania without an agenda.

6)     Set up my tarot business and got several jobs as a freelance writer (unsure whether I was qualified). Began doing charity events reading tarot face to face. Gained several diplomas- all while working full time at an apprenticeship. Which I got a distinction in. eyy. 

7)     Met a Shaman and began practicing/ learning metaphysical practices.

8)     Went on some… dates.

9)     Began learning some instruments so that I can create music. Sang in the company of others whilst sober and uploaded it to THE INTERNET (this was the biggest fear).

10)  Found a family to au pair for in Italy and committed to going out to begin this adventure.

5 things I would like to do in my 20s:

1)     Build a career where I get to explore, adventure, learn, be free, and share my experiences. Live off multiple streams of income. Be financially free and in a position where I can help those who are less fortunate. Enjoy it all and be enthused by it.

2)     Be zero waste (if possible) and go vegan in a way that nourishes me. Create as little negative impact on the environment as possible.

3)     Work with children- care for them, teach them. Set an example (free of judgement) to people who don’t know how to have a good relationship with their children. Remain open and willing to learn and grow through anything that may happen to me. 

4)     Invest in real estate.

5)     Not force myself to do quite so much all by myself. Engage in teamwork more. Align with love in all senses. Have fun.

Leave a Reply